Wednesday, December 30, 2009

In Praise of my local Priest

Ok those of you who know me might be surprised at this one but I had to note this.
I am one of those people who goes to church for weddings and funerals. So far I have escaped active participation in either of these ceremonies!

As a child of the 60s and 70s the big men in black used to be a bit intimidating and a tad judgemental for my taste.... BUT.........On Christmas Eve this year my local parish priest was REALLY welcoming to all people in the congregation. His homily was warm, caring, sincere and full of good values. His warmth is exactly what the church should be about.

At the end of the mass he sensitively announced how bad he personally felt about the crisis of abuse by people in his own organisation. He mentioned how the 'organisation' of the catholic church had let people down and how he hoped and prayed that the right steps should be taken and that certain people should resign. He also asked us to pray for healing and forgiveness. His humanity shone through as he spoke, while people wept and looked on. This was really moving. I have the utmost respect for this man and his ilk.

Well done my local PP - I liked this a lot. Your compassion, honesty and humanity are indeed gifts. Be careful or I may become a fan :)

See you maybe at Easter :)

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Just Listen

This is one of my favourite poems:



Just Listen
When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do - just hear me. Advice is cheap; and I can do for myself; I am not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy. But when you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can stop trying to convince you and get about this business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling.
And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.
Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people - because God is mute, and he doesn't give advice or try to fix things. God just listens and lets you work it out for yourself.
So please listen, and just hear me.
And if you want to talk, wait a minute
for your turn - and I will listen to you.

Anonymous

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Murphy Report

How shaming it is – and what a shame it is for the men in dark dresses who for years selectively chose to abuse innocent children. Blithering hypocrites – selling lies and being moved as they destroyed the children. ... each individual child with his or her life messed up by a man who chose not to relate to someone – an adult- in a meaningful sexual relationship.

How ridiculous they are, valued in the former times of ignorance when the ‘important’ people were the priest, the doctor and the guards.

This ‘Holy, Apostolic’ church protected the evil men and shamed children, condemning them to lives of hurt and distrust presided over by generation of evil people, from Pope to Bishops to Police who knew it was all happening.

Come on, mother church, show your compassion, Be with , and help -and be -for those people whom your representatives messed up. Accept what you allowed to happen, for without acceptance there cannot be forgiveness.

Listen as I do to the howling tears, the shame that your evil men tried to shove onto children for ‘leading you astray’. Children do not seduce adults - any adult having sex with a child is an abuser.

Catholic church, you should see the the faces of innocent adults shamed in their youth by your people in the name of God. Watch the suffering as grown men weep in my office, covered in snot, raging, embarrassed and feeling nausea – wanting to puke, recalling what your men did to them; some of them now so damaged they cannot have normal relationships. These men were once innocent before your dark, evil performers ruined them in the name of your faith.

Of course, when these innocent are grown up and go mad nobody sees them – they are labelled ‘strange, odd, alcoholic, psychotic,homeless, nutters’. Perhaps when they were children they needed love from you --and they got sex and destruction of self.

I feel priviledged to be able to offer some comfort to them now, to slowly work through and heal some of the damage done by the so called 'men of God'. I am so glad that recovery has been possible for many SURVIVORS- these are not victims any longer.

Listen to the shame you have deeply instilled in young men because their bodies may have reacted to your pervishness and women shoved into laundries to work to the bone.

Visit the graveyards where the suicidal young people had no other option than to end their pain. Admit how you stood back and let this all happen, hid the bad priests and ignored what was really happening. Just imagine moving known abusers to where they would have further access to kids. That's a bit like treating an alcoholic by bringing him to a pub.

As a survivor of sexual abuse, a Human and as a Therapist working with REAL people – not those who hide behind large, rich institutions, I pray that healing will take place for all of your victims, especially the ones who cannot speak out.

I feel sorry for the good and loyal men and women who joined the now evil version of the Catholic Church with good intention – how embarrassing it must be for those committed ones who joined the church to do good. As a teenager I was fortunate to be befriended by some of the good guys and when I was in training as a therapist I was lucky to have had supervision by 2 good hearted professional religious people who wanted to do good work. I was - and am - grateful to these people.

I feel compassion, empathy and caring for those who are brave enough to stand up to their past and to conflict the demons of sexual and psychical abuse. These are the survivors. For those who cannot confront or deal with this I feel pity, knowing that pity alone does not help them heal.

As for those who hide in the church, with no admission of wrongdoing - From the current Pope to the Bishops who knew but denied and said they didnt know! - the lies that you "didn't know" just cause more harm.

This is a case of the church being so far removed from reality. So arrogant to deny love to its members, so hurtful to deny reality while storing gold. So judgemental of others yet tolerant of its own rotten core. This is the church that gave us Institutional abuse: magdelene launderies, and silence on what matters most. The church has been robbed from its own people. I do believe in God but not these cynical horrid people who cause hurt and shame. The Church needs an overhaul. Why not let them get married - even to each other if they want? Why not let them share love?, Why not allow them be human and take part in a valuable and valued society.

Why not do some psycholigical tests to screen out the paedophiles? Are they so dumb they never considered this - or did they not know about this either.

Surely, there can be no bigger sin than to know -and then choose to DO NOTHING to protect the innocent. Doing nothing is a harmful act. The harm has continued for too long and change is needed.

Dedicated with love and compassion to the many hurt and recovering survivors of abuse. John O'Connor December 2009.